I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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