I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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