hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
