oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
