So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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