I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
