Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
