it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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