Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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