Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
