I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize