Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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