I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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