I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me i tasted like america
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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