new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize