My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
