there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
