i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
