i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize