I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
