he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
