His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
