I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
