bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
