my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
