I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
