I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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