What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
