I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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