quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
