I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
