So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize