I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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