Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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