At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
