I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
