just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
