I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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