saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
