I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
