So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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