Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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