Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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