I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
