If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
