hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
