Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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