Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
