Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
