We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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