did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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