yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
