This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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