I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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