Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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