I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
