elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
