she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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