Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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