I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
