I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
