Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize