the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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