sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
