dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
