you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
