I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
