made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
