oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
