hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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