I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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