You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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