i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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