a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
